Abstract Competence

From ear to ear…
Or how about-

A mile between two esses.

However you want to describe it, I feel invincible! I’ve got the worlds largest, widest and brightest smile on my face. Boy, I haven’t felt this way in a loooong time. Sing it with me:
I’m in love again, and I can’t rise up of it. I’m in love again, and I love, love, love it!
(Any Cole Porter fans in the house?)

This is it: I have finally found the one. I met someone who is so perfectly suited to be mine, it’s sort of surreal. I want to shout my happiness from the rooftops, jump on couches and give everyone I meet a huge hug. Oh, I know about the ‘honeymoon period’ and what not, but I’m in no rush for this feeling to go anywhere.

The sound of her name fills my body with chills, the thought of her face begins a cascade of light from the depths of my soul upwards and fills the entire planet with sunshine. Regardless of whether or not it’s raining.

I’m short: I’m very, very, very, very happy.

Ok, ok, short: I’m happy. And while I normally describe my demeanor with that word, I realize that I’ve been lying. If this is happiness, then what I’ve been feeling is a state of contentment. Because days are now more lovely and food has more flavor.
And it’s all because of her.

Isn’t it?

I haven’t done anything differently. In fact, all I did to meet this incredible person who has changed my life was be myself (something I’m very good at). Certainly it’s her effect on my reality that has caused this unimaginable shift. I mean, who isn’t looking for someone to make them feel amazing?

Oh. No. Not again.

I cannot believe I’m relying (AGAIN) on outside information to gauge my worth. Son of a gun, I really thought I was past that. Is there really no escape?
*Huff* Ok, fine, I’m here now so I might as well see what the heck is going on.
But I’m going to be honest: I’m really nervous to inspect this… What am I going to uncover? Will I pick this feeling apart piece by piece until the only thing left is my choice just to feel great? Will I no longer see this person as special? Come on, I don’t ask for much; I’m not a hoarder of things… can I not just have this? Of all the things in my life to question and dissect, does love have to be one of them?

Woah. Well, that’s the first time I’ve mentioned that. With this person, anyway. And… yeah, it feels right. It’s not like we’ve just met, we saw this coming. So yeah, I love them.

But now that it’s out…. It’s kind of got me wondering… what do I mean when I say: I love them?
There are so many words to use when speaking about admiration of a deep sort and I’ve said “love” to more people I can count. But it’s such an abstract term. What I would like is to use the word in the most competent way I can. That way, when I say it to them, they will know exactly what I mean… and so will I.

I am crazy about this person. I think they are just fantastic. I love hearing them talk and I love talking with them. Damn, I just used it again. Ok, I want nothing more that to spend time conversing with them. Well, not just conversing with them but just spending time with them. Their thoughts are so stimulating and I hope they always stay that way.

So love is: I think you are amazing just the way they are and I don’t want you to change.
No, that’s not going to work because we change all the time. Okay, then I want to embrace the changes they make, as long as they’re healthy changes, because if they start to smoke, there are going to be problems.

Ok, so I have: I accept you for who you are and who you will become.

Wow. That’s not bad. And I think that if someone said that to me, I’d be really flattered because what else am I looking for than for someone to think I’m great just the way I am. I don’t want someone thinking that I need to change because then they don’t like me, they like ‘potential future me’. If I want to change, then they’re supportive of that. Of course, as long as I’m not changing negatively, which is for either of us to judge.

I love you. I accept you completely. That’s a love I feel competent using.

And if I find myself not being accepting, I can always read my first post again…

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