Oh yeah, let me tell you something about me: I am really, REALLY good at what I do. It doesn’t matter if I have 10 minutes or 3 hours, I am the master of my thing. What is “my thing” you ask? Well, I could tell you, Really I could. No, no, I want to keep you in suspense… for now.
I’ve been doing this for some time. I remember in high school, I would look at the girls and think ‘some of you aren’t as pretty as the others. But I can do something the other boys can’t: I can find the beauty within you and unleash it, making it known that you and you and you are beautiful’. And I would walk the halls and look at the female students and think to myself ‘she has beautiful eyes’ or ‘she has the most amazing hair’. And while the overall package wasn’t much to look at (hey, I’m not shallow, just honest), I could appreciate the details and see infinity in a grain of sand.
Ok, now I’m just indulging (uh, and plagiarizing? That’s fine, I’m not getting paid so ha!). Let me tell you about my thing: I help people feel really good. And it’s awesome that I get to do this because I really, really like it.
I love feeling good, and there are a few things that help me feel that way: After I work out, after I eat ice cream, after I perform a task really well, after a beautiful girl looks at me and smiles, after other people tell me how good they feel because of something I’ve said.
After a lot of things.
hmm…. and now my spider-sense is starting to tingle.
Why is it that I only feel good AFTER I do things? I mean, I feel good before things too, right? Like… uh… like before I’m about to do really well on an exam because it’s after I studied so hard-HEY, waitaminute!
So this “after-effect” is pretty prominent… there’s got to be something more here. I mean, this can’t just be a coincidence, can it? No, it’s too much of a coincidence to be one! Besides, what good would an article be if it was all coincidence? “well, it’s a coincidence; I guess I just wasted your time”. Yeah, that’s really cool.
Ok, so let’s see what’s going on: after I perform a task really well, people usually say to me “good job” and I think to myself “yeah? great! because I like to perform well”. A beautiful girl looking at me? well, that must mean I look good, right? Why else do beautiful girls look at us (read: men). And after being told how good others feel because of what I’ve said? Well, that just proves what a great guy I am.
So I need proof from others to feel good. Woah, I have to say, I didn’t see that coming. I mean, what does working out have to do with others, unless others say “hey, you’ve been working out”… oh.
This isn’t too distressing, human’s are social animals. So by looking to others to base my feelings of adequacy, I’m just doing what human’s do, right? Yeah, everyone else is jumping off bridges, so I can too, right? (wow, my first cliché!)
What is it that I really want? To feel happy without the acknowledgement of others? Well, that’s just it: I like the acknowledgement. When I do something that I’m proud of, I like to be recognized for it. And it’s through this recognition that I feel good because I feel like I’m apart of society when I share my successes. I feel like I belong when I succeed.
If acknowledgement from others contributes to my feelings of belonging to society that means that deep down, I’m not really sure if I do indeed belong. Wow, that’s a really weird feeling to acknowledge (no pun intended). I guess the question is: why wouldn’t I belong? I’ve got two arms, two legs and an opinion like everyone else. To be frank (nope, not going to make a joke), I’ve always felt different but that might have something to do with the way I was treated as a kid – you know the typical story of the school outcast. Well, maybe outcast is too strong a word. I wasn’t popular and wasn’t treated very nicely by my peers. So it seems I’m still carrying that around, eh? Alright, well at least I know what’s going on and I’m apparently in no rush to solve this particular dilemma. I can almost hear the voices saying “oh, come one Dave, get over it” and now that it’s come to light, yeah, it’s something that I want to get over. Carrying that kind of baggage around isn’t fun. Well, what’s a column good for if I can’t use it to air my dirty laundry?
Let’s see how good my spin cycle can be….